Who Doesn't?

Been phoning in so many comics this month it's like a telethon of laziness. Having pulled this out of the file I have no idea what I'm going to post next week because I'm defiantly not going to have time to draw over Christmas. We'll see.

Drew this for a tribute/parody tabloid put together by Philly Comics Jam in '09. Actually forgot about it until I ran across the .psd file while consolidating my archives. Still like the joke but definitely could have spent more time on some of the art. I could have re-drawn a couple of panels but that would have required work.

Enjoy!

Evil Corporation

Based on a line I had in a Rookie Card show that most of my friends seemed to like.

Don't think it works as well as a comic, plus I had to phone in the art a little because I was rushing to get six shorts done for the Philadelphia City Paper Comics Issue.

C'est la vive. They can't all be solid gold.

Fucking Telegram

This comic got me spotlighted in the Philadelphia City Paper Comics Issue!

Sort of!...

Here's how it goes. I'm one of twelve that got put on the City Paper's website but not one of the eleven that were printed in the physical paper. According to the editor guy I lost a last minute spacing coin flip. I'd be lying if I said that didn't get me down but like the other Comics Jam guys said, it's more than they got.

(insert "Price is Right" fail music)

Tattoos I Don't Have The Balls to Get

Maybe someday I'll get the balls to get the socks. I probably have the sense not to get the other two, even if balls are in ample supply.

I'm sending this one and a mess of other shorts in for the Philadelphia City Paper Comic contest today. Wish me luck!

Civil War Funnies

Little background for this one. General Benjamin Franklin Butler had one of the coolest nicknames of all time. I mean, c'mon, Spoons? I may try actually try and get people to start calling me that. Of course Butler wasn't so happy with it, among other things, and in (slightly) more words made his retort law with his infamous General Order No.28

I've been reading a lot of Kate Beaton's amazing history comics on Hark! A Vagrant . Thought I might try my hand at one myself. Of course unlike Beaton, who is Canadian, us Americans really only care about one piece of history (well, two if you count WWII). I dunno if I'll ever do another of these but the material's certainly there if I feel like it.

Rejected Bootleg T-Shirt Design

I like the idea that there's some sort of governing body that controls which bootleg T-shirts get made. Also they have standards that they uphold.

"I ain't putting the okay on that one. Goes too far Pete, goes a little too far. Keep working on the naked chick in front of the Confederate Flag with pot leafs covering her junk though. Senior Week is coming up and we've got to have this shit ready!"

I was going to try to write "Bootled T-Shirt Design #947251" and "Rejected" in Korean but I figured it'd be a joke too far. I was already stretching things with that big stamp down there.

So anyway the the specific thing that inspired this was the early 90s phenomenon of "Black Bart" shirts. I have seen black versions of the South Park Kids on a t-shirt saying "Dang, they killed Kenny", I have seen a Rasta Peter Griffin, but NOTHING compares to the deluge of bootleg black Simpsons shirts that were fucking everywhere when I was a kid. Maybe it was just Baltimore but somehow I doubt it.

Here's a choice selection of what I culled from the internet:

I would do terrible, terrible things for someone who agrees to send me an authentic Black Bart. I may be contacted through this blog post.

Fantasy Mullets

I actually thing this joke works a great deal better without the title but that hinges on you drawing picking out the not immediately obvious similarity between the four portraits without being told. I went for the cheaper laugh.

Who do I look like, Gary Larson?

Strip Poker

Ah pedophile jokes...

You can just keep goin' to the river but it don't never run dry!

Girl Scout

Suggestions welcome for what I'm going to replace the word "fucking" with when I submit this comic to Mad.

Three week update streak. HOT-cha!

Dick

No more of this pussyfootin' around! I hence force shall update every week!

Seriously, these little ones take between three and five hours to do so I shouldn't have much trouble banging one out after work someday without slowing down my long-form comics schedule. Seriously, my pace has been so glacial with those recently I doubt much could impinge my rate any further.

But you get comics! Weekly Comics! Yay!

Raymond Myles #1 - Jeremy's Story

M. Jacob Alvarez drawing a serious comic? Yep, showing my artistic breadth for once. This Raymond Myles guy's story is actually really intriguing. Murdered New Orleans Gospel singer, adored for his talent, reviled for his homosexuality. I'm working with Leo Sacks who is currently putting together a movie too.

Once I draw another installment or two of this I'm going to start an independent blog for the comic. Until then it'll fit just fine on this page. Enjoy!

The Secret Agenda Of Planet Aid

That's it! I'm out of old comics! While I've still got about a dozen strips still in my backlog (mostly unscanned and uncolored) none of them have been published or posted anywhere before! Look forward in the coming year to new 16 page Chambara Punk and Les Cakewalks stories along with a secret yet to be revealed project.

Thank you everyone who has been reading the site so far. Even if you chopped off my drawing hand I'd learn to draw with the stub so you can be sure, there's a lot more to come.

UGLY PETE: King of the Chimps - Part 2

After drawing this a friend told me that the Simpsons had used monkey's reenacting the Civil War as a throwaway gag. It must have been after quit watching the show because I didn't remember it at all. I'd be lying if I wasn't a little mad that I spent a couple months drawing an idea that someone else had already come up with but I'm not going to burn this thing because of it. It's possible for two separate people to come up with similar jokes.

For the record this strip was inspired by a napkin doodle a friend of mine came up with at the (sadly now closed) Korner Diner in Newark, DE. It was of a manic looking chimp in a Russian Spaceship with the title "To the Stars My Friend." Mr. Thompson, if you are reading this and can find that doodle send it to me and I'll post it here.

UGLY PETE: King of the Chimps - Part 1

Finally posting the centerpiece of HypnoSpiral #1. You know what that means kids, I'm almost out of old material. I gotta start hittin' that pencil!

By the way, sorry I missed posting last week. It had nothing to do with available material, I was just working on something else and it completely skipped my mind until mid week whereupon I promptly said "fuck it".

Look for Part II next week. Enjoy!

How to Annoy a Vegetarian

If I ever get the gumption I figure I could do a whole series of these. How to annoy a libertarian, how to annoy a hobo, how to annoy your Dad. Maybe later. File it away in the idea bank for now.

Bullshit Ghost Story

I drew this comic after being chased out of the 2007 Exhumed Films 24-hour Horror-Thon at 4:00 in the morning by a god awful Italian zombie movie called Burial Ground. I don't recommend it. They hired a little person to play an incest mad child (both while alive and a Zombie) and the pacing was so bad that IT wound up being my number one complaint against the film! That said the Horror-Thon was a blast and I am truly sorry that extenuating circumstances have lead me to miss it these past 2 years. Maybe in twenty-ten.

Originally the anti-hero of this piece was going to be a film executive rather than this delightfully charming racist caricature but I changed it to get the joke ending in there. Remember, I'm not making fun of Asians, I'm making fun of immigrants. There's a difference... I think.

X-Ray Vision Blows!

I really like the name Iron Frank. Maybe I'll use the character again sometime.

Notice an early Cameo of Chester done when I couldn't wait to finish HypnoSpiral #1 and get to working Les Cakewalks. I think it's safe to say the pendulum has swung back in the other direction.

A Word About The Dalai Lama

I dunno why I find the Dalai Lama giving the finger funny but I do...

New Les Cakewalks next week.