Sunday, December 4, 2011

Lord Sabin's Home for Wayward Fox Kids

To hell with Pride And Prejudice And Zombies. I want to read David Copperfield and Battle Droids! Fair's fair though. I think this came up in a Rookie Card practice in case anyone feels slighted.

I know I said I was going to take a hiatus to finish Chambara Punk vs. Hockey Hair but since I was printed in the Philadelphia City Paper's Comics Issue last week I figured it'd be foolish to waste free publicity by not updating this week.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

It's Better Than Occupying Your Mom's Fucking Couch!

I had some time off for Thanksgiving so I drew a special double-length comic. It's rare I even do a one page strip these days so I've got an unearned feeling of high accomplishment. Epic!

Anyway, so this comic came out of an argument I had with my grandmother over Thanksgiving. I know you might question the wisdom of trying to convince a woman in her 70s that Fox News doesn't have her best interest in mind but I still try for several reasons. The first and foremost is that you learn unexpectd things.

In this case I was surprised to find out that the main group that keeps some working people from supporting government programs that are in their best interest like universal healthcare isn't the Occupy Wall Street kids or even the underprivileged/minorities/urban youth/blacks. It's their own deadbeat work-phobic children, grand children and in-laws. All my cousin ever dates are these loser human sponges. It's hard to argue against people that work their asses off at shitty jobs to make ends meet who will be damned if they're going to support these shit bags.

Too bad they're already doing it, with or without government intervention. Maybe it'd be easier to kick them out of the house if you knew they'd have a doctor when they inevitably overdose on crystal meth.

This might be my last post for a little while. I joked about one page being "epic" for me at the top but I really want to finish this stupid Chambara Punk Strip I started in '10 so I can work on some other long stories. I'll try to get back to weekly gags sometime early in the new year.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

DIY Cop pt.4

I initially had a final panel of the prison dude banging his head on the bars in response to DIYC's suggestion but it seemed a little hacky to me so I replaced it with the Dragnet style badge/logo.

Still a little hacky but at least it's not such a blatant groaner.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

DIY Cop pt. 3

I've decided this guys name is DYIC which is pronounced Dick.

Make sure to read next week's comic for the startling conclusion!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

DIY Cop pt. 2

Sorry no comic last week. I moved back to South Philly and it took some doing!

My new place is great. I call it DracuLabs. Made possible by a grant from Dracula.

Monday, October 24, 2011

DIY Cop pt. 1

Hope you like this joke cause it's going on for three more strips.

Sorry I missed last week and was late with this one. Computer problems.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Alligator Bandits

Another week where I couldn't think of a killer joke so I just drew something I thought would be fun. Better than the last two weeks at least.

I like drawing Alligators. I like drawing cowboys. You try putting those two together in the same cartoon sometime,

Monday, October 3, 2011

Robin Hood Solves The Unemployment Problem

Much as the caption to this comic can be used for virtually any single paneled cartoon and still work, the final drawing of Robin Hood and The Merry Men with their hands on their hips having a well deserved chortle can be used as a punch-line for ANYTHING.

Don't believe me? Okay let me pitch one to you: Two Panels

Panel #1: The World Trade Center going down.

Panel #2: The Merry Men bubbling with mirth at their own dashing rakishness

Bam! That's gold son. GOLD!

Expect more comics from me featuring Friar Tuck. That dude's fucking awesome.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

NASA Thinks It's So Fucking Badass...

I really like the look on the cardinals face in the second panel. It's late so that's all I'm musing on this one.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Shit Art File: 04

I had a real ball last weekend. It's been years since I've stayed up until 5pm two days running. Unfortunately for you that means it's yet another week of shit art.

When I posted this on the Penny Arcade art forums in like 2006 someone told me instead of a chalk drawing of Nietzsche's face the blackboard should have said "Existence = Meaningless." That person was right. I do like the "flash" panel though.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Carl Winslow

When I was a little kid I watched TGIF every goddamn Friday. I even stuck in a couple years after they put that obnoxious white trash Brady Bunch up for display on "Step By Step" like a some type of early nineties circus sideshow. "Boy Meets World" was the true death-knell of the programming block and fairly obviously the harbinger of "Malcolm in the Middle." Classic line-up: Full House, Family Matters, Perfect Strangers.

Jesus I can really talk some nonsense when I want to. Sorry if you're out of the age range/social class where you'd recognize this crap.

Other than the fact that their second daughter apparently got kidnapped a few years into the run and it was too painful for the rest of the family to ever bring up the thing I remember about "Family Matters" is Winslow here sitting in the chair wrong anytime he wanted to have a heart to heart with his son or Erkle or something. It must have been painful for a man of his bulk. The things actors will do to themselves for a little fame...

This is a really cheap, dumb joke (not to mention borderline racist) but I needed something I could draw while slinging comics at SPX. You see, I wanted to post a new comic this week rather than another shit art file because this is the one year anniversary of starting weekly updates!


Monday, September 5, 2011

Allergies Are Like...

My friend Colin Ruggero came up with the broad outline of this joke while he was driving me to the emergency room because my throat had swelled up so bad I couldn't swallow anymore and was having trouble breathing. As it turns out, because of the inability to swallow and crazy amount of mucus that my mouth was producing, I had spit out enough of my fluids to make me dangerously dehydrated. Seriously, it took three nurses five tries to find a vein.

All I'm trying to say is, between joke ideas and saving my stupid ass from making the darwin awards, it's good to have friends like Colin.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Amp of the Covenant

Let me tell you how much I hate drawing guitars. A lot.

Tried to make the guy in this look like a Harrison Ford/ Kurt Cobain Hybrid. I dunno if I pulled it off but I sort of like this one. Especially since it comes on the heels of like three weeks of shitty stopgap non-comics. Oh well. It's not like I'm slacking off or nothing. This time of the years always pretty busy.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Work Doodles

So after I finished my flyer for Rookie Card's Philly Fringe Festival show and spent all day flyering I just didn't have it left in me to finish my comic this week. As much as I know that some of my friends like it when I post old work I HATE IT when I'm forced to do a shit art week and was just going to run dry rather than do two in a row.

Today I realized that I'm two weeks away from posting something once a week for an entire year. I'll be damned if I let any shit art stand in the way of that milestone! Take some work doodles and be joyful!

The offending flyer is below. You should come to one of our shows if you're in the Philly area. Or if you feel like an adventure.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Shit Art File: 03

I didn't want to do another shit art file so quickly after the last one and the Sick Day Video Re-Post but even after working for a day after I got back from New York I still don't have a new comic ready. I was up there for the Del Close Marathon with Rookie Card. We may have had a smaller audience than last year as a result of going up against Baby Wants Candy and Rouge Elephant but our show went really well and I had a ball the whole weekend. My favorites were Improv Boston Mainstage and The NY Mets Monoscene. The latter was one of those oddball 3 AM shows the DCM is famous for. It was some dude dressed like Darryl Strawberry introducing a alternate reality version of the Mets complete with Bernie Madoff and parallel universe Fidel Castro. No matter what you are imagining, trust me, it was weirder.

I think bringing down the overall quality of this blog is worth it for being able to experience that madness.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Not Much Worse Than Reality Television

I'd like to thank my friend Chris Voeglein who told me I should draw a comic about a fart bar. I'd write more but it's like 11 and I want to go to sleep. Adios kids.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Sick Day Video Re-Post!

Hey guys. I was sick enough to drag myself to a hospital last night so, as you can probably guess, I didn't have the gumption to draw a new comic (they shot my ass full of penicillin and I'm feeling a lot better now - honest).

Instead I'm posting this fun little video I did in 2010 when I was still unemployed. I just got a video camera so expect more of these every once in a while. Once I get the time to revamp the front page I'll probably put up a new video blog section.

Hope you enjoy (or re-enjoy) it.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Kids to Stay Away From

This comic retcon's my personal history so I wasn't the most untouchable pariah in the three schools I attended. It was necessary for the joke.

Rather than make up faces for these weird little kids I based them on three Philadelphia comedians whose podcast (Cheapodcast) I was listening to while doing the preliminary sketches. None of them really look like themselves but at least they don't look generic. Hell, just imagining Brendan Kennedy without a beard is a vigorous mental exercise.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

The Case Against Puerto Rican Statehood

I've been doing a lot of apolitical cartoons about America recently. Just an observation.

Happy 4th!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Shit Art File: 02

Time to face facts. I gave it a good college try but there's just no way I'm going to finish a comic tonight after coming home from my little sister's graduation party. Instead I offer this. The oldest comic I will post here unless I find a stack of super interesting kindergarden doodles at my dad's house.

Let it be a beacon of hope for those who wish to persevere through 10 years of study and training to become marginally better than they used to be at drawing silly pictures.

Sunday, June 19, 2011


God bless America!
Land that I love.
Stand beside her, and guide her
Through the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foam
God bless America, My home sweet home

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Tiara equals...

Didn't have any killer ideas this week so I settled on this one. I'm glad I picked it because it came out better than I expected and wasn't that hard to draw. I did my best to give the girl in the first panel "Lacrosse Face." I dunno if it came across but she sure does look drunk

I unexpectedly had a really fun time drawing the queen. Here's my preliminary sketch before I drunked her up. Maybe I'll use the old girl in another comic if I come up with something.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Less Successful Earlier Versions

I didn't do this intentionally but my friend Kim pointed out how pissed of Stills and Nash look in my rendering of them. I think it enhances the joke. Like right after this picture was takes Nash turns to Stills so Bill can't see and just mouths "call crosby. Call. Crosby."

Here's the original album cover I drew from for comparison. I know I switched the position of Nash and Cros/Cosby but they lined up out of sequence and the joke flows much better if Cosby's sitting above the other two.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Useful Phrases for Terrible People

Goddamn this comic just didn't want to come out of me. Probably why I didn't draw it last weekend or yesterday when I was supposed to. Sorry about the late post by the way. Really its probably because there's so many things that were hard to draw in this thing. I don't know if you've ever tried to draw a sexy scum bag guy but just about everything you put on him only makes him look gay. Muscles = gay, wifebeater t-shirt = gay, mustache = super fuckin' gay. I'm not saying these are bad things it just ruins the first panel if she's just waving to a really flaming gay dude. Only an asshole's jealous of their girlfriends gay buddies. So much for my idea of giving the guy a leather police captain's hat.

I actually think I pulled off the creep but the girl's another story. I don't draw pretty girls well enough to convey such a vague emotion as insincerity. I think I'm actually on her side in the second panel. I wouldn't date the pink golf shirt wearing fat-ass bro in the second panel either. All things considered I think she handled it well with her little phrase. That said, who hasn't felt like a fat shlub thats trying too hard after getting shot down by someone you like.

Hell. I could have done this strip a lot more justice if I was only more talented. Fail fail fail fail fail.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Mysterious Origins

I drew this comic last week so I'd have it in reserve in case there was a week I couldn't finish a strip. The trouble with having a perfectly serviceable strip in your back pocket like that is that it inspires laziness.

Case in point. Didn't feel like doing anything today. So I didn't

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Secret American Vampire Hunters

Yes, there was magic involved. No, there was no bullet.

I'd like to thank the hosts of the The Biggest Mistake, one of the better comedy podcasts I employ to keep my sanity when I spend 10 hours drawing these things on Sunday. Vampire Hunting Davy Crockett came up during one of their recent shows and they were kind enough to let me use the idea in a comic.

I really really wanted to used James Earl Ray in the last panel but I thought better of it. It's not so much that I think that making fun of Martin Luther King is off limits but something doesn't sit right with me putting his assassin in a heroic light. I can deal with people who can't take a joke getting mad at me but it'd be worse if any of my comics got reposted on a white supremacy site or something. I'll save vampire M.L.K. for another strip.

Lincoln was also on the block but that poor bastard has enough guys taking swipes at him these days. Sic Semper Vampirus in any case.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Hipsters Are Like Bees

So a couple of years ago I realized with horror that I might be a yuppie. Lived in a big city. younger than 30, well paying "professional" job. Eventually I made my peace with it because it's never something I aspired to and I genuinely liked the person I was/am. A couple of months ago I had a similar but far worse moment of clarity regarding being a hipster. It's been tougher to deal with but the good news is since hipsters are the most self denying sub-culture there is the act of admission shunts you away from it's terrifying black core (also known as Williamsburg, Brooklyn) . As it turns out I'm much more comfortable being a poser.

I'm so over it. Here's a comic about a guy getting attacked by bees. If you don't think it's funny it's probably because you don't get it. I'm going to go bro down with some cool people you don't know.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Shit Art File: 01

My Dad came up and visited me for Easter earlier today. It was fucking gorgeous outside and we had a great time but when he left at around five I didn't have the remaining time or the gumption to finish a new comic. Thanks a lot Jesus. Couldn't you have come back on a Tuesday or something?

Rather than the website running dry for a week I'm doing something I told myself I wasn't going to do. I'm posting a comic I drew while I was still in college. While it's nice to have visual confirmation that I've progressed from shit art with passable jokes to merely mediocre art with passable jokes I'm going to try and not pull this dodge often. This is late period ('06) shit art with a joke I really love but if I start digging into comics I did for the '02 Baltimore City Paper Comics contest I'll be scraping the bottom of the barrel in record time.

Hell, at least it's nice to have the option to cop out if I need to.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Bar Talk

I'm not happy with the coloring on this thing, especially the gradient background but fuck it. It is 11:30 at night and I've got to get up at six for work tomorrow. Good enough.

If anyone's checking this page because I gave them a comic at MoCCA I'd like to say thank you and welcome. I updated every Sunday sometime during the day so if you check the front page on Monday morning I should almost always have something for you.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Trust Me, You Ain't That Cool Pal...

After all, no one is.

Not the most involved comic I've ever done but I had to rush this thing out because I'M AT MOCCA FEST IN NEW YORK! Slingin' free mini comics, tryin' to get motherfuckers to come here. If you are one of said motherfuckers I thank you. Please enjoy the veritable smorgasbord of comedic graphic delights I've laid before you.

Below find a terribly stupid picture of me with the top of my head cut off which unfortunately is the only one I asked someone to take.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Thirty Dollar Party

The "Thirty Dollar Party" is an often referenced dare/threat/ambition of a certain group of my friends. It it severely unadvised to try this with less than four people. Or at all.

I know this barely qualifies as a joke but after spending nine hours last week on that stupid cool robot dinosaur drawing I didn't want to put that much effort into this one. At least it looks nice.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Strained Friendship

I thought up the image for this cartoon before I made up the caption for it. Afterwards I realized the caption will work for almost any single paneled cartoon.

Especially New Yorker cartoons.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Las Vegas Punk Scene

I "cast" my friends Greg Dean, Greg Fowler and Sean Connolly in this comic (even though Fowler doesn't look much like himself). I did this out of laziness rather than affection. It's a pain in the ass designing characters that you only ever use in one strip! To this end I may start using the faces of people I know more often in a similar manner to Osamu Tezuka's Star System.

As far as the joke goes this may be one of the ones that I like more than my audience, but to hell with that. There ain't enough of you to worry about fan service just yet.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

OprahFM Magazine

In the ignorance of her current weight, I opted to use the fat Oprah here in the same manner as I might employ the fat Elvis. It's a simple fact, fat people are funnier. For the record, the joke isn't that Oprah's ugly (cause I've never made that joke before), it's that she's a megalomaniac.

My favorite part of this strip is the turtleneck/underboob top she's wearing. I know it's not a permanent part of her wardrobe but it's somehow so much easier to caricature her with the iconic neck warmer sweater.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Dumb Kids

This weekend's been a real shitshow so far because I've had to get next week's comic done as well as this one since I'll be in North Carolina next weekend with my improv group. Surprisingly they both turned out really well. I also found out I got a table in MoCCA so I've got to spend the rest of the day formating a new comic to be printed in time.

These are all good things, they're just making a lot of extra work on short notice. Gotta bitch about something or I wouldn't have anything to say.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Happy Ending

I've had the idea for this one in the bank for a while. The original caption was "After may years of violence and lawlessness, Iraq finds peace under a Funk Parliamentary System of government." I may change it back to that in a few months with the country switched to Afghanistan because, unfortunately, that seems like it'll be relevant for longer.

Really the joke is just dudes in combo P-funk/traditional Arab garb getting applause from a legislative body. Just need to justify why it somehow makes sense which is admittedly a stretch no matter what the global political situation is.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Vegan Roommates

This comic is so true to life it's pretty much documentary. Thanks for letting me make fun of you Ben and Rachelle. Sorry I didn't draw very good likenesses.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Go-Go Dancers

Admittedly this was probably an excuse to draw go go dancers. I also started this at four PM on Sunday and didn't have much deliberation time if I wanted to make my weekly update.

Eh, it's okay.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

At The Philadelphia Impound Lot

Happy New Year! Here's a poop comic!

I drew this comic for Gregory Labold's Crap Dawn Anthology. In addition to editing toilet humor funny books he also plays drums in one of my favorite local bands. The strip was inspired by and stars my friend Doug who had a very similar experience regarding his stolen car. The night time behavior of the impound lot employees is conjecture on my part but the rest pretty much happened as written.

When all is said and done, pooping in a car window is a slightly awkward position. For reference I forced my mother to take this picture of me while I was home for Christmas. I can only imagine what she must have thought (especially since it was her car).